She looked baffled as I asked her about her reaction to a disturbing event. 1. “How do you feel?” “I don’t know.” 2. “What sensations do you feel in your body?” “I don’t know.” 3. “What are you telling yourself?” “I don’t know.” This young woman’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) was low. Years ago that young […]
social intelligence, feelings, boundaries, emotions, humor
To succeed today, you have to set priorities, decide what you stand for. Lee Iacocca We make decisions over and over again…What am I going to wear today? When am I going to take a break at work? Or how about, What’s for dinner? While raising a family, that question became boring and irritating. So […]
In early May 2016, the Fort McMurray (Fort Mac) fire put Albertans in the midst of a major crisis. Over 80,000 evacuees needed to leave their homes. I have some sense of it all since I was a keynote speaker at the first anniversary of the 2013 Slave Lake fire. These significant events leave us feeling profound grief […]
Most of us have had our resiliency challenged when we feel resentment for hurtful behavior by others. Perhaps equally as painful is longing for others to forgive our transgressions. Then we are stuck. Those who are wise tell us that our emotional freedom rests in putting forgiveness into action–for ourselves and others! But how? I […]
Even those of us who are typically considered assertive can have off-guard moments of self-doubt.
Most parents want to be joyful, encouraging and wise with their children
Those with a strong internal locus of control believe that they are primarily in charge of their lives. Those with a strong external locus of control believe that they are primarily at the mercy of other people, fate or chance. They often perceive themselves as victims of their situations.
Too often one adult declares that another adult is being abusive. Before you decide you are in a bullying or abusive relationship and call the Abuse Police, get a handle on what is really happening. OK? Abuse is mistreatment, by any other person or persons, that violates a person’s human and civil rights. Children […]
Most of us have done it. We have walked out on a loved one, slammed a door, said something we regretted or burst into rage or tears. I have been there screaming, “I will go crazy if you don’t do that!” I needed to learn emotional regulation skills. By the way, I did! We tend […]
Years ago at a therapy training session, I was trigged into feeling deep emotional pain. Those feelings hijacked my focus. When I approached the trainer in a distraught state she looked at me and said, “You do know how to self-regulate, don’t you?” The training content reminded me of something I had done long ago […]
Sharla Bugarin, one of readers of my eNewsletter, Your Uplift, wrote: “In my work I find one of the most challenging aspects many patients face in their recoveries is the stigma they face in regards to personality disorders and addictions. There are such awful preconceived ideas about these populations that add a lot of barriers for change […]
In my daughter Kelly’s and my book, Love Her As She Is: Lessons from a Daughter Stolen by Addictions I describe fourteen ways to love unconditionally with clear boundaries. The first way is take your frustrations to someone you trust. Family Patterns of Feeling Frustrated Life events can often trigger us to feel frustrated. As […]