Lean on Me, When You’re Not Strong: A Classic Song About Resilience
“Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on…”
Yes, we all need someone to lean on!
It was at Sunday Service when Amy Bishop began singing Lean on Me, I thought of our world that often praises self-sufficiency and independence. Bill Withers’ 1972 classic, “Lean on Me,” offers a healthier message: that reaching out, leaning in, and depending on one another is not a weakness—it’s a strength.
As a counselling therapist, I often sit with people carrying the quiet weight of loneliness. Just the other day, a new client shared that not only did she dislike her work and the people she worked with, but that she had no friends—not at work, and not outside of it. When I gently asked about her grown children, she paused and said, “They’re living their lives. They don’t have time for me.”
Her response reminded me just how common, and how painful, isolation can be. And how deeply we all need someone to lean on.
The Story Behind the Song
“Lean on Me” was created out of the lived experience of Bill Withers, a former Navy man and factory worker. He wrote the song after moving to Los Angeles and feeling the loneliness of disconnection. He missed the close-knit community of his hometown, Slab Fork, West Virginia—a place where people knew and showed up for each other.
Withers composed the song on a modest Wurlitzer piano he’d purchased with his first paycheck. It became his first and only No. 1 hit on both the soul and pop charts, resonating across generations, cultures, and life situations. Delivered by countless artists and sung in schools, churches, protests, and even during crises, “Lean on Me” has become more than a song—it’s a call for solidarity.
The Cost of Disconnection
Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, has extensively studied the impact of loneliness on health. Her research reveals that lacking social connection is as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. She has also found that loneliness and social isolation are associated with a 26% increased risk of early death.
In one of her landmark meta-analyses, she concluded that people with strong social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival, regardless of age, gender, or health status. That’s a greater impact than many lifestyle factors we routinely monitor, like diet and exercise.
These are not just statistics—they’re a wake-up call. When people are disconnected, their physical and emotional well-being suffers. And yet, connection is both free and available—when we make the choice to reach for it.
Connection Builds Resilience
Despite being more connected than ever digitally, many people feel deeply alone in their struggles. Depression, anxiety, and burnout often flourish in silence. And yet, leaning on another—asking for help, admitting need, showing vulnerability—can be profoundly healing.
Resilience isn’t about pushing through on your own. It’s about having the support to get back up again. Relationships offer that support. In fact, social connection has been linked to better immune functioning, faster recovery from illness, and reduced inflammation—all vital ingredients for emotional and physical resilience.
Mutual Support Is Strength, Not Weakness
“Lean on Me” isn’t just about one person offering support—it’s about mutual care. The song reminds us that life brings seasons when we give and seasons when we receive. It normalizes both.
“For it won’t be long
Till I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on.”
This line points out even the strong, the silent or those who lead, caregiver, or protect stumble. Even the helpers will need help. And that’s not failure—it’s the very rhythm of being human. I know as a therapist there are days and situations I reach out to my therapist connections to sob, wail, and surrender to some emotional pain.
A Practice of Everyday Courage
In therapy rooms, workshops, and conversations across cultures, one thing remains true: It takes courage to be vulnerable. To say, “I’m not okay. Can I lean on you?” or “I see you’re hurting. I’m here.”
But that courage is contagious. And over time, it builds a web of resilience far stronger than any of us could weave alone.
I have repeatedly witnessed this phenomena in the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum community where caregivers support one another in the hard task of providing life-long support.
Questions to Ponder
Bill Withers may not have known he was writing a mental health anthem when he composed “Lean on Me,” but the message has stood the test of time. It reminds us that none of us are meant to walk this life alone. In the end, it’s our shared humanity—our willingness to lean and be leaned on—that brings healing.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
- Who can I lean on?
- Who might need to lean on me?
- And what would it mean to live with the kind of grace that says: “You don’t have to do this alone”?
We all need someone to lean on. And that’s not a burden—it’s a beautiful invitation.
What You Can Do: 3 Steps to Start Finding People to Lean On
If you’re feeling lonely or disconnected, you’re not alone. And you’re not stuck. Here are a few gentle actions you can take to begin building—or rebuilding—the kind of connections we all need:
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Reach Out to One Person From Your Past
Think of someone you used to feel close to—a cousin, a college friend, a neighbor. Reach out with a simple message like, “I was just thinking about you. How have you been?” You don’t have to explain your loneliness. Just initiate connection. Often, people are grateful you did.
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Join a Group Where People Share a Common Interest
Whether it’s a faith group, book club, walking group, community class, or an online circle that resonates with your values, showing up in spaces where people gather for a shared purpose builds natural opportunities for trust and support. Let it be low-pressure—just keep showing up.
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Be Honest About How You’re Doing
The next time someone asks, “How are you?”—consider giving a slightly more honest answer. Vulnerability creates connection. You might say, “I’ve been feeling kind of isolated lately, to be honest.” You might be surprised how many people feel the same—and how willing they are to listen, support, or simply sit with you in it.
A Reminder
Finding your circle takes time, especially if you’ve been hurt, overlooked, or carrying a lot in silence. Start small. Be kind to yourself in the process. There are people who care—and people who need you, too. The act of reaching out could be healing for both of you.
We all need someone to lean on. And there’s someone out there who will be grateful to lean with you!
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