Most parents want to be joyful, encouraging and wise with their children. However, sometimes even the most loving parents have moments of when they vent like a terrible two having a temper tantrum. There are times when we do not take very good care of ourselves and we end up acting aggressively with our children. But being resilient humans we can get back on track and better manage our parental anger.
Once triggered into feeling anger it takes focus and energy to become grounded. Moving from feeling angry and distressed to having fun and laughter is not easy. But here are some tips to help you.
7 Tips to Manage Parental Anger
- The next time you are triggered into feeling angry try one or more of these ideas:
- Ask yourself what you are really feeling? You are probably feeling powerless, overworked, unappreciated or all three. Say it out loud. I feel powerless and I am acting it out!
- Ask yourself what you need. Your children may not be able to give you what you need. You may need to give it to yourself. Or perhaps you can seek out a supportive adult who can give you what you want. You may need someone to say, “You are doing the best you can.” Or “It’s OK to take a break from your responsibilities.” Or “You deserve support and help.”
- Write in your day timer ME TIME. Make appointments with yourself for self-care. Add self-compassion to the mix. Have some fun. Sometimes having fun requires planning and commitment.
- Do not make having fun, playing and laughing into another chore. Some days perhaps a good cry would better lighten the atmosphere. Add some self-compassion.
Learn stress management and anger management skills. Two to six counseling session can assist with this.
- .Spend regular and fun time with your children. Be willing to play and be silly. Let them teach you that giggling and making a mess can be relaxing. Yes, really!
- Commit to a behavior change. The next time you notice yourself yelling at, or being aggressive with, your child try these:
- Change whatever you are yelling to yelling, “I love you!!!” Yes! Force it out of your mouth. “I LOVE YOU!” You will notice your brain shaking, even asking, “What did I just say? I can not be that angry!”
- Say out loud to your child and to yourself, “Oh! Oh! I have not been taking good enough care of myself. Excuse me I am going to go do that.” Then do it even if you just make yourself a cup of tea.
- Do something different. Surrender and lie down on the floor. Notice how ridiculous you look and feel. Cry or laugh down there.
Consider purchasing my little stress management program, the Canadian Best Seller, Frantic Free, 167 Ways to Calm Down and Lighten Up. Only $2.95 in e-book format.
Other Related Books:
The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner
Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion by Gary Chapman
The Light-Hearted Approach: 87 Ways to Be an Upbeat Parent by Patricia Morgan
Check out these related posts:
7 Concepts to Get a Grip on Your Anger
Use an Anger Log to Get a Grip
From Blowing a Fuse to Emotional Regulation
How to Be Aware of Emotions and Use Feeling Words
Five Steps to an Authentic and Research-Based Apology