Parenting Teens: Love, Faith, and Letting Go

Patricia Morgan Family Dynamics Family, mother, parents, youth 0

Parenting Teens: Love, Faith, and Letting Go: When Faith, Family, and Boundaries Collide

Parenting teens depicted by mother daughter chatting

Let’s call her, Jane. Jane came into my office looking tired, frustrated and worried. “It’s about my kids,” she said. Tanya, her teenage daughter, was strong-willed and often critical.

Her son, Noah, seemed to be losing confidence. He even said he might have ADHD and autism and was thinking about taking medication. Jane didn’t know what to do.

“I feel like I’ve failed them,” she whispered. “I just want to keep them safe.” She cried in between admitting how much energy she had spent trying to fix things; fix her growing children. She wondered if her efforts were actually making things worse.

As we talked, it became clear that Jane’s struggle was bigger than parenting. It was about faith, control, and learning to let go without losing connection. Many parents of teens face this same challenge—how to love without controlling.

What I Want Jane to Know about Parenting Teens

You Can’t Control Your Kids

Jane wanted to fix everything for her children, but that’s not possible. What she could do was listen and stay calm. Trying to force her kids to follow her rules only pushed them away and caused more stress.

Tip:

Try saying:

“Tell me more.”
“How can I help?”
“Honestly, I don’t know, but I’d like to understand.”

These words help build trust and show love without trying to control. When parents tilt their head with curiosity, instead of speaking with criticism, teens feel safer to open up.

Faith and Different Beliefs

Tanya often questioned religion, which scared Jane. We talked about the difference between religion and spirituality. Faith can give hope, but religion, with dogma and rules, history shows can also cause harm when taken to extremes. Many teens question what they’ve been taught, and this is a normal part of maturing.

Tip:

Respect your child’s right to explore different beliefs.
You don’t have to agree—just listen.

Listening without judgment doesn’t mean giving up your values. It means showing your child that your love is bigger than your differences.

Stay Calm During Disagreements

When Tanya criticized Jane, the arguments would get heated. The right to fight is a common one and with parenting teens it often surfaces.

Tip:

Avoid questions that start fights.
Use phrases like: “Yes, you’re right,” or “Tell me more.”
Take a deep breath before answering.

Jane later reported these changes gave some ease to the relationship. By staying calm, she noticed her daughter also calmed down more quickly. Conflict became an opportunity to connect instead of a battle to win.

Let Go of Guilt: An Essential in Parenting Teens

Jane compared herself to her sister and considered herself a bad mom. I reminded her that being a parent is not about being perfect—it’s about being present. Every parent makes mistakes, but what matters most is how we repair our relationships and keep showing up. Settling for doing the best we can, is always a good idea.

We spent some time recalling times Jane was present for her children, did not engage in argring, controlling, or over–protecting.

Focusing on what she did well gave Jane hope and strength. She started writing down small wins, like moments of kindness or laughter with her kids.

Byron Katie is her book, Loving What is, wrote

When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.”

Conclusion:

Parenting teens is hard. We can’t always guide their choices, but we can give love, respect, and safe space to grow. We can also know parenting our teens is not about control but about connection.

When your child questions your values or makes choices you don’t understand, it can feel scary. But letting go of control doesn’t mean giving up—it means creating space for love, respect, and trust.

Like Jane, remember:

Be curious, not controlling.
Be loving, not perfect.
Be present, not fearful.

The best gift we can give our kids is unconditional love. When we let go of fear and show up with calm confidence, we create a home where everyone feels safe to be themselves.