Too often we forget that none of us were born to only do. We are not our job titles, company positions or our job descriptions. At home we are more than The Mother or The Father, wife or husband, or daughter or son. Those are merely roles. No matter our work we need spaces in-between for just being with family, friends and our self. In the beginning and end of life we are human BEings.
I recall asking my hubby the self-esteem boosting question, “Why do you think I think you are wonderful?” His answer was “I provide a good income for our family.” Oh, dear! My dear hubby is much more than his income. He demonstrates the values of integrity, kindness, gentleness and loyalty.
Our accomplishments do not necessarily result in fulfillment and personal worth. When our worth is focused on only our accomplishments it is difficult to bounce back from disappointment, error and loss.
A basic concept in valuing ourselves and others has three points.
The ‘You Are’ Formula
“You are . . .
- . . . lovable and worthy for being on this planet. As such, you deserve to be treated with respect no matter what.
- . . . capable in using your strengths.
- . . . resilient to cope with life challenges.”
In a humane world we accept and honor others as human beings.
Honor One Another as Human Beings
- Use words kindness, appreciation, and care.
At work when people arrive with home troubles such as a divorce, death or illness show caring interest. Appreciate that their efforts to focus and accomplish may be temporarily interrupted. They have done well to pull themselves together and get to their place of employment.
At home people flourish when it is a place to receive comfort, kindness and care. We all crave attention. It is well known that affairs often happen when a spouse takes the other for granted and feels neglected.
- See the human being through and behind inappropriate behaviour. Speak respectfully when you are required to give others feedback. Aim to speak with clarity, honesty and kindness. Here is a Tibetan saying: “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?”
At work you might need to discuss how one’s strength has been overused and turned into a weakness or how someone is not acting in a respectful manner.
At home you might need to have a similar discussion with a family member.
- Plan on occasions to just be with one another.
At work not only have time to celebrate completion of jobs and winning contracts but include some silly celebrations such as potluck lunches, sharing birthday cake or telling goofy jokes.
At home build in rituals. Here are some examples.
Daily: Share meals with all family members gathered at the table. Turn the TV off and start a conversation with a theme. “What was the highlight of your day?” or “What was a struggle for you?” or “What was easy for you?” or “What was the best learning of the day?” or “What was the funniest thing that happened?”
Weekly: Organize a fun outing. Spend time in a spiritual setting or visit friends and family
Yearly: Build in sane celebration of holidays such as Christmas, Family Day, Valentines, Easter, Victoria Day, and Thanksgiving. Acknowledge anniversaries, birthdays, graduations and other milestones.
How might you apply these ideas of honouring yourself and others as human beings?