When Emotions Run High: Communication Skills for Trust

When Emotions Run High: Communication Skills for Trust

Once again, I was in a training room with Dr. Vincent T. Covello, globally recognized for his work in risk communication and human behavior under stress. He is the founder and director of New York based,  Center for Risk Communication. This article is based on key insights from his training, with a focus on what helps people listen, process, and respond when emotions run high.

When emotions run high, communication changes. People cannot think clearly and they react. And if we don’t change how we communicate in those moments, even well-intended messages can fail or even create more resistance.

Why Communication Breaks Down When Emotions Run High

When emotions run high, the brain shifts into survival and protection  mode. Information is processed first through the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system) before it reaches the pre-frontal cortex where reasoning and logical thinking happens.

In simple terms: people feel before they think.

This is why logic alone doesn’t work in emotionally charged moments. Whether you’re working with clients, students, or teams, the goal is not just to deliver information. It’s to help regulate the emotional experience so the message can actually be heard.

Even small language choices matter. For example:

• “I hear your concern, but…” can trigger defensiveness
• “I hear your concern, and…” keeps the brain open

When emotions run high, words either build safety—or signal threat.

Keep It Simple: The Impact of Mental Noise

Another key concept is mental noise. When emotions run high, people’s ability to process information drops significantly.

That’s why communication should be:

• Clear
• Concise
• Around a Grade 6–8 level

Even highly capable individuals benefit from simplicity under stress.

People tend to remember:

• The first thing you say
• The last thing you say

If your most important message is buried in the middle, it may not land at all.

Trust Comes Before Understanding

When emotions run high, people don’t ask, “Is this information accurate?”
They ask:

• Do you care about me?
• Can I trust you?

This is where many professionals get stuck. We lead with information when we would be wise to lead with connection.

A simple way to think about it is Trust = Caring + Competence. Without trust, even the best information won’t be received.

What People Need in High-Emotion Moments

When emotions run high, people are less interested in data, facts, and statistics. They are more focused on how they feel in relationship to you. They are looking for:

• Empathy
• Respect
• Fairness
• Credibility
• Emotional Safety

This is especially relevant for therapists and educators, where relationship and safety directly impact outcomes. Listening becomes more important than explaining. Feeling heard often reduces distress more effectively than being “right.”

Risk, Control, and Emotional Response

When emotions run high, perception of risk becomes amplified, especially when people feel a powerless and uncertain, as well as perceiving that something is being imposed or pushed on them.

This helps explain why people may resist direction, even when it is evidence-based. Trust is seldom built on information. It’s built on the experience of personal control and emotional safety.

Choose Words That Reduce Anxiety

Language plays a powerful role in how people respond. For example:

• “We may change our approach” → feels uncertain
• “We will update you as we learn more” → feels steady and responsive

When emotions run high, even subtle word changes can shift how safe or unsafe a message feels. It’s also important to remember that negative information carries more weight than positive. One negative message can outweigh several positive ones, so how you frame your communication matters.

Communication in a Social Media World

Today, when emotions run high, communication is influenced by:

• Confirmation bias (people seek information that matches their already established beliefs)
• Algorithms that reinforce those beliefs
• Decreasing trust in institutions

People are more likely to trust those who feel relatable, authentic, and have the capacity to create emotional and psychological safety.  For leaders, therapists, educators, and even parents, this reinforces the importance of connection over authority alone.

Start With Empathy

When emotions run high, empathy is not optional. It’s essential! This includes:

• Acknowledging feelings (“Yes, this feel hard and maybe even scary”)
• Naming the experience (“It makes sense you feel overwhelmed”)
• Avoiding dismissive language

Empathy doesn’t mean agreement. It means seeking to understand. And importantly, even when you communicate well, not everyone will agree.

Practical Strategies You Can Use

When emotions run high, these tips can help:

• Lead with empathy before information
• Keep messages short and focused
• Repeat key points
• Avoid absolutes like “always” or “never”
• Stay within your scope of expertise
• Work with other trusted voices when needed
• Focus on connection, not just correction

For apologies or repair conversations:

• Acknowledge what happened
• Take responsibility
• Share and commit to what will change

This builds credibility and trust over time.

Covello’s Seven Rules

Rule #1: Accept and involve the public as partners
The goal is to create an informed and engaged audience—not to dismiss concerns.
Note: This rule is in support of politicians, public relations officers and others, who need to address concerns of the public.

Rule #2: Plan carefully and evaluate your efforts
Different audiences require different approaches. Focus on trust, clarity, and respectful dialogue.

Rule #3: Listen to your audience
People care more about empathy and fairness than detailed data.

Rule #4: Be honest, open, and transparent
Trust is hard to gain and easy to lose.

Rule #5: Work with other credible sources
Aligned messaging strengthens trust.

Rule #6: Meet the needs of the media
Media prioritizes simplicity, conflict, and clarity—be prepared for that.

Rule #7: Speak clearly and with compassion
Never overlook the human impact behind the message.

Conclusion:

When emotions run high, communication is not just about delivering information. It’s about creating the conditions where information can be received.

For therapists, educators, and leaders this is especially important. The ability to regulate the emotional tone of a conversation often determines whether learning, growth, or change can happen.

When you lead with empathy, communicate with clarity, and build trust first, you’re not just sharing information, you’re making it possible for someone to really hear your message.

Please check out these related posts:

• How to Communicate in High-Stress Situations   (another event with Dr. Vincent Covello)
• Return to Center: Simple Strategies to Navigate Distress. .
• Improve Your Relationship Communication by Listening