Have you ever been involved in an email message bush fire? It starts with one person feeling hurt, dismissed or angry about an email communication. The recipient then reacts with a one up slamming or defensive message. Electronic communication is ripe for communication easily and quickly going side ways. Just look at Susan and Mary’s interchange: […]
assert, assertiveness, speak, listen, feedback, manage conflict,
Sheepishly I snuck into the freezer to grab some left-over Halloween candy. Was I unable or unwilling to tell myself,”No”? Or did I really want to say, “Yes, you deserve a sweet little treat?” Using wisely those two simple words is key to our futures. Yes, No, and the mediating term, It depends, are resiliency building tools […]
Have you ever said or done anything you regret? I am not talking about a fumble mumble or tripping over the front hall rug. Rather, I am referring here to disrespecting someone, emotionally wounding another, or crossing over a personal boundary boundary. I’ve done my fair share. For example, I have: Acted disrespectfully. Years ago, I invited a […]
“I love you but. . .” Those with excellent communication skills understand the power of single words and phrases. Often we give little thought to our use of many words including our use of but. Frequently, when individuals hear the word but they automatically assume something disappointing, discouraging or devastating is going to be said. […]
“Ya, ya! I am listening,” I said as I unloaded the dishwasher. No! I was not. I was not using the listening skills that I know and profess helps improve relationships. I thought, the family dog does a better job at providing unconditional attention and affection. Indeed, a 2010 AP-Petside.com poll reported its findings from interviewing […]
When challenged or feeling stressed most of us have a tendency to react in a passive, aggressive or passive/aggressive manner.
Personal boundaries provide an effective strategy to handle many different external woes or adversities. Survey respondents quoted in my book, From Woe to WOW, indicated such. An outreach worker wrote, “I wish I’d stood up to her,” an office receptionist wrote, “I should have stood up for myself months sooner,” and a nurse wrote, “I didn’t make the world a better place by running away.”
Oftentimes people are attacking out of their own hang-ups and it has little to do with us.
I add; it is about kindness and seeking to understand. My own experience with our daughter Kelly, who spent a great deal of time in jail over an eleven year period, is love draws a circle that takes the other in. One of the best ways to demonstrate that care is to seek to understand with out judgment.
People with high resilience value acknowledgement and use words of recognition.